Dates For Stephanie...

Spiro Stiva
"This one's a real catch. Not much to look at, but he's got a good job with money."-- Grandma Mazur

Eddie Kuntz
"Can't be any more awful than that bozo you married."-- Grandma Mazur

Dates For Herself...

Fred
"Fred looked to be about three hundred years old. Gravity had pulled the skin from the top of his head down to his neck, and Fred had tucked it into his shirt collar."
Fun Fact: Grandma Mazur is based on Janet's Aunt Lena. Fred is based on her husband, Uncle Mickey. Uncle Mickey really did poke his eye out while cleaning his bayonet. And he really did latch hook rugs.

Harry Meaker
"What do you think? He's a live one, huh? For a while, anyway."

Myron Landowsky
"I had a night of sin. Boy that Myron is some kisser. I think he might even have got an erection, except it was hard to tell what with the way he hikes his pants up."

Eddie DeChooch
"He's been accused of killing people before and he never left the country. At least not that I know of."

John Ring
"I met him at Harry Farfel's viewing, week before last. It was a real romantic meeting... he said he bumped into me on account of he had vision problems, but I knew it was fate."

Grandpa Mazur...

Two years ago, when Grandpa Mazur's fat clogged arteries sent him to the big pork roast in the sky, Grandma Mazur had moved in with my parents and had never moved out.

She lived with my parents now that Grandpa Mazur was scarfing down his normal two-eggs-and-a-half-pound-of-bacon breakfast in the hereafter.

Grandma Mazur moved in with my parents shortly after my grandfather went heavenward to dine with Elvis.

Grandma Mazur came to live with my parents several years ago when my Grandpa Mazur went to the great big poker game in the sky.

She lived with my parents now that my grandfather was buying his lotto tickets directly from God.

My Grandmother Mazur moved in with my parents shortly after my Grandfather Mazur took his bucket of quarters to the big poker slot machine in the sky.

Grandma Mazur moved in with my parents shortly after my Grandpa Mazur took his fat clogged arteries to the all-you-can-eat buffet in the sky.

When my Grandpa Mazur cashed in his two-dollar chips and moved on to the High Roller's suite in the sky, my Grandma Mazur moved in with my parents.

Grandma Mazur rooms with my parents now that Grandpa Mazur is living la vida loca everlasting.

Grandma moved in with my parents when my Grandpa Mazur got a hot pass to heaven compliments of more than a half century of bacon fat and butter cookies.

My Grandma Mazur lives with my parents now that Grandpa Mazur's eating pork rinds and deep-fried peanut butter sandwiches with Elvis.