Actor's Studio

FRANK PLUM

What's your favorite word? Buzzard
What's your least favorite word? Company
What turns you on? Helen's Thanksgiving turkey
What turns you off? Having to look at Edna Mazur while eating Thanksgiving turkey
What's your favorite sound? Quiet
What's your least favorite sound? Noise
What profession, other than your own, would you like to attempt? First base for the Mets
What profession would you not like to attempt? Ballet dancer
What's your favorite curse word? Ass
If heaven exists, what do you want God to say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
Nothing. I just want him to hand me an ice cold beer, a hot dog with kraut and open the gates.

BOB THE DOG

What's your favorite word? Cookie
What's your least favorite word? Bad
What turns you on? Floppy ears
What turns you off? Dogs that don't shed
What's your favorite sound? Someone coming home
What's your least favorite sound? Dog whistles
What profession, other than your own, would you like to attempt? Blue Angel pilot
What profession would you not like to attempt? Mailman
What's your favorite curse word? Bitch
If heaven exists, what do you want God to say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
"New stink appears on the trees ever half hour. Sniff to your heart's content.

GRANDMA MAZUR

What's your favorite word? Gumpy
What's your least favorite word? Sputum
What turns you on? Any man under the age of 92
What turns you off? Excessive ear hair
What's your favorite sound? The ding of a slot machine
What's your least favorite sound? The neighbor's Beagles barking all night long.
What profession, other than your own, would you like to attempt? Sumo wrestler
What profession would you not like to attempt? Elephant Vasectomist
What's your favorite curse word? Craptacular
If heaven exists, what do you want God to say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
"Well, now! Ain't you a pip?!"

HELEN PLUM

What's your favorite word? Tipple
What's your least favorite word? Cuddleumpkins
What turns you on? Frank
What turns you off? Burnt pot roast
What's your favorite sound? Family at the dinner table
What's your least favorite sound? Family at the dinner table
What profession, other than your own, would you like to attempt? Nurse
What profession would you not like to attempt? Clown
What's your favorite curse word? Damn
If heaven exists, what do you want God to say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
"Come on in. We have coffee and Entenmanns."

JOE MORELLI

What's your favorite word? Cupcake
What's your least favorite word? Tofu
What turns you on? Stephanie
What turns you off? Toenail clippings
What's your favorite sound? Panties hitting floor
What's your least favorite sound? An alarm clock
What profession, other than your own, would you like to attempt? Chairman for the Iron Chef
What profession would you not like to attempt? Rodeo clown
What's your favorite curse word? Damn
If heaven exists, what do you want God to say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
"Of course dogs are allowed."

JOYCE BARNHARDT

What's your favorite word? Rich
What's your least favorite word? Lawsuit
What turns you on? Men
What turns you off? Exploding beavers
What's your favorite sound? Moaning
What's your least favorite sound? Bad mufflers
What profession, other than your own, would you like to attempt? Runway model
What profession would you not like to attempt? Caviar extractor
What's your favorite curse word? Slut!
If heaven exists, what do you want God to say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
"You must be an angel 'cause it feels like I've just died and gone to heaven.."

LESTER

What's your favorite word? Tarnation
What's your least favorite word? Educational
What turns you on? Irish accents
What turns you off? Bad breath
What's your favorite sound? Laughter
What's your least favorite sound? A cat horking up a hairball
What profession, other than your own, would you like to attempt? Ghost hunter
What profession would you not like to attempt? Bird cage cleaner
What's your favorite curse word? Wanker
If heaven exists, what do you want God to say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
"Batten down the hatches! The big boy's here!"

LULA

What's your favorite word? Booty
What's your least favorite word? pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanokoniosis
What turns you on? Beckham underwear ads
What turns you off? Not being able to get a fast food cheeseburger before 11 AM
What's your favorite sound? Me bustin' down a door
What's your least favorite sound? Forks scraping teeth
What profession, other than your own, would you like to attempt? Letter turner for the Wheel of Fortune
What profession would you not like to attempt? Snake wrangler
What's your favorite curse word? Damn Skippy
If heaven exists, what do you want God to say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
"We're sending out for pizza. What do you want on yours?"

MOONER

What's your favorite word? Dude
What's your least favorite word? Scuba
What turns you on? Chewy brownies
What turns you off? The new and "improved" version of Star Wars
What's your favorite sound? The ice cream truck
What's your least favorite sound? Bankrupt on Wheel of Fortune
What profession, other than your own, would you like to attempt? Wolfman
What profession would you not like to attempt? Anything that requires the wearing of a suit
What's your favorite curse word? Dingleberry
If heaven exists, what do you want God to say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
"Dude! You're just in time for the Bonanza marathon."

RANGER

What's your favorite word? Babe
What's your least favorite word? Problem
What turns you on? Stephanie
What turns you off? Grandma Mazur
What's your favorite sound? Silence
What's your least favorite sound? Howler monkeys
What profession, other than your own, would you like to attempt? Stuntman
What profession would you not like to attempt? Bee keeper
What's your favorite curse word? Shit
If heaven exists, what do you want God to say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
"Party's out back. Keg to the left. Wine bar to the right."\

SALLY SWEET

What's your favorite word? Rockin'
What's your least favorite word? Salvador
What turns you on? Big dangling earrings
What turns you off? Bad manicure
What's your favorite sound? Porsche 911 GT engine
What's your least favorite sound? Squeaky school bus seats
What profession, other than your own, would you like to attempt? Indiana Jones
What profession would you not like to attempt? Host on one of those shows where they eat bugs and stuff.
What's your favorite curse word? F-f-f-f-fudge
If heaven exists, what do you want God to say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
"You rock!"

REX THE HAMSTER

What's your favorite word? Breakfast
What's your least favorite word? Cat
What turns you on? Really long buck teeth
What turns you off? Someone who hogs the wheel
What's your favorite sound? Sunflower seeds landing in a ceramic bowl
What's your least favorite sound? The vacuum cleaner
What profession, other than your own, would you like to attempt? Weatherman
What profession would you not like to attempt? Hockey goalie
What's your favorite curse word? Wet tail
If heaven exists, what do you want God to say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
"You can eat all the grapes you want here, and never get the runs."

STEPHANIE

What's your favorite word? Cake
What's your least favorite word? Salmonella
What turns you on? Boston Cream donuts
What turns you off? Being pelted with garbage
What's your favorite sound? My car starting
What's your least favorite sound? My car exploding
What profession, other than your own, would you like to attempt? Wonder Woman
What profession would you not like to attempt? Fish counter
What's your favorite curse word? A good F-bomb every now and then really relieves some tension.
If heaven exists, what do you want God to say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
"The Butterscotch Krimpet tree blooms year round. If you pick them straight from the tree, they have no calories."

TANK

What's your favorite word?  Pluto
What's your least favorite word?  Fusion
What turns you on?   Lula
What turns you off?  Being called Pierre
What's your favorite sound?  Bubble wrap popping
What's your least favorite sound?  The cat scratching the sofa
What profession, other than your own, would you like to attempt?  Astronaut
What profession would you not like to attempt?  Telemarketer
What's your favorite curse word?  Dick
If heaven exists, what do you want God to say when you arrive at the pearly gates? "Hey."