Lean Mean Thirteen

Stephanie Plum- Bond enforcement agent, driver of crapola cars, and lover of desserts of all kinds.

Vincent Plum- Proprietor of Vincent Plum Bail Bonds, pervert, and general sleazeball.

Lula- A black woman with a rubenesque body and a Vegas wardrobe that’s four sizes too small. She’s a former ‘ho working as a file clerk at Vinnie’s office and wheelman for Stephanie.

Connie Rosolli- Vinnie’s office manager. She’s pretty in a central Jersey, third generation Italian kind of way.

Simon Diggery- A professional grave robber who relieves the recently departed of rings, watches, and the occasional  Brooks Brothers suit if it’s his size. He also does taxes at the food court for competitive rates.

Dickie Orr- Stephanie was married to him for 15 minutes. He’s a lawyer and a horse’s patoot. Recently, he’s gone missing and Stephanie is a suspect.

Carlos Manoso- Street Name Ranger. Stephanie’s friend, bounty hunter mentor, and sometime partner in crime. He owns a security company called Rangeman.

Joyce Barnhardt- She’s a career home wrecker and gold digger. She had an affair with Dickie Orr while he was still married to Stephanie.

Melvin Diggery- Simon Diggery’s brother. He has a pet python.

Bill Diggery- Simon Diggery’s Uncle.

Lucy Giovinchinni- She works the register at Giovinchinni’s Deli.

Grandma Mazur- Stephanie’s grandmother. She came to live with Stephanie’s parents when Grandpa Mazur bypassed the FDA and took his trans-fat needs to a higher authority.

Mrs. Plum- Stephanie’s Mom. She irons when stressed. None of her friend’s daughters are bounty hunters, they all have nice, normal jobs.

Joe Morelli- Stephanie’s on-again, off-again boyfriend. Now he’s a plainclothes Trenton cop, but he was once scourge of The Burg, the bad boy every girl wanted and every mother feared.

Bob- Joe’s big, goofy, orange dog.

Rex-Stephanie’s hamster. He likes to snooze in his soup can, but he will show his face for the occasional treat.

Chip Burlew- Trenton Police Officer.

Barrel-Head Baker- Trenton Police Officer.

Marty Gobel- Cop in charge of Dickie Orr’s disappearance.

Ziggy Zabar- CPA at Dickie Orr’s firm.

Zip Zabar- One of Rangeman’s employees.

Peter Smullen- Dickie Orr’s law partner.

Elsie- Grandma Mazur’s .45 long barrel.

Cynthia Hawser- She went to school with Stephanie. She married a gap-toothed, redheaded guy and had three gap-toothed, redheaded kids.

Jeremy Hawser- Cynthia’s son. He’s full of energy and always looking for trouble.

Uncle Elmer- Grandma Mazur’s boyfriend. He has a jet-black toupee, bushy, out-of-control eyebrows, a lot of ear hair and more slack skin than Grandma. He looked to be on the far side of eighty.

Milton Buzick- He was laid out at the funeral home on Hamilton Avenue.

Melvin Pickle- He used to file at Vinnie’s Bond office. Now he works for Les Sebring.

Les Sebring- He runs another Trenton bail bonds company.

Carl Coglin- FTA. He’s an “urban taxidermist” who’s at war with the cable company.

Harry Rozinski- Recently died of skin cancer.

Phil Pancheck- Cop working with Morrelli.

Tank- Ranger’s next in command. There is no need to describe him, the name says it all.

Albert Kloughn- Stephanie’s brother-in-law. He’s an ambulance-chasing attorney who paid for his law degree with chickens.

Lorraine Birbaum- She was laid out in viewing room number four at the funeral home.

Sissy Camp- Grandma Mazur’s friend.

Stewart Hansen- FTA charged with running a light and possession of a controlled substance.

Caesar- A Rangeman employee.

Hal- Rangeman employee who would do anything for a burger.

Roland Petiak- Another partner at Dickie Orr’s law firm.

CJ Sloan- Works at Dickie Orr’s law firm.

Dave Mueller- Bleached-blond LA muscleman who had a mishap with an electric stapler.

Norman Wolecky- One of Dickie Orr's clients.

Harry Slesnik- A client of Dickie Orr. Self-described separatist who paid Dickie Orr in Slesnik dollars.

Bernard Gross- A client of Dickie Orr. A world’s strongest man wannabe with gynecomastia.

Dillon Rudick- Stephanie’s building super. He will fix a door or shampoo the carpet for a six-pack.

Uncle Mickey- He owns Uncle Mickey’s Gently Used Cars.

Rita- Peter Smullen’s girlfriend.

Mr. Warnick- He lives in Stephanie’s apartment building and drives a vintage Cadillac.

Randy Skylar- One of Stephanie’s old FTA’s, now working in a body shop.

Louise Malinowski- She went to school with Stephanie. She’s divorced with two kids and works at the St. Frances emergency room.

Ella- Ranger’s housekeeper. She cooks, cleans, buys Ranger’s shower gel, does his laundry and even sets out fresh flowers.

Rufus Caine- A mid-level Trenton drug dealer.

Brett- Rangeman employee.

Jimmy Monster- Trenton criminal. Word has it he’s been wearing a wire.

Ken Roiker- Fire Marshall.

Captain Targa- Trenton Police Captain.

Victor Gorvich- Drug dealer who supplies Rufus Caine.

Blinkie- New Rangeman employee who gets caught up in some Stephanie-and-Lula-style disaster.

Lucy Grabek- She bowls with a pink ball with her name on it.

Jean Newman- Nurse at St. Frances.

Stanley Berg- He was buried with a diamond pinkie ring and a new Brooks Brothers Suit.

Great-Aunt Ethel- Stephanie’s Great-Aunt who died at 98. She loved a good cigar after dinner and played the accordion.

Baby Jane- Great-Aunt Ethel’s sister who died at 76 years old. She choked on a kielbasa.

Uncle Andy- Stephanie’s Uncle. He died a bachelor.

Christian- Uncle Andy’s brother, buried next to Andy. He woke up dead one day. It might have been his heart.

Valerie- Stephanie’s sister.

Eddie Aurelio- A big-time Mobster.

Rudy- Dave Mueller’s partner.

Manny- Connie’s cousin. He owns Rosolli’s Salvage Yard.

Thanks again to Kimberla for sending in this character list!